Tuesday, March 3, 2015

'Yadayadayada yadayadayada ... the cabin'

There was nothing like the sound of the old inboard motors back in the day. It was a throaty growl, reminiscent of a Harley Davidson. On our big 30-foot ChrisCraft, we had two of them -- straight propeller shafts each powered by a 350 Chevy, maybe the best engine ever designed, at least in my book. With a ton and a half of people and luggage aboard, the popping sound coming out of the exhaust pipes was music to my ears. Those big Chevys raised that 14,000-pound, deep-V hull up to planing in nothing flat. However, the roar, and the difficulty talking above it, could create some interesting conversations, part real, part imaginary, during the hour-plus ride to camp.

Kevin, at the front of the boat but on the opposite side from me: "Yadayadayada yadayadayada ... the cabin."
Me: "Sorry, Kevin, I didn't get that. You'll need to talk louder."
Kevin: "Yadayadayada yadayadayada ... the cabin."
Me: "Still didn't hear you. Why don't you come closer and tell me again?"
Kevin, moving half-way across the 12-foot-wide boat, but then lowering his voice proportionally: "Yadayadayada yadayadayada ... the cabin."
Me, now detecting a strong odour of whiskey and thinking Kevin must have spent a couple of hours in the Snake Pit, Red Lake Inn's bar, before boarding: "I just can't hear you. Are you asking if you are going to be in the same cabin as last year"
Kevin: "Yadayadayada yadayadayada ... the cabin."
Me: "Yes. You are in Cabin 10 again. That's your favourite, isn't it?"
Kevin: "Yadayadayada yadayadayada ... the cabin."
Me: "See, I don't know what you are saying. All I can hear is 'the cabin.' Oh, are you asking if we finished building Cabin 9? Yes, it's all done. You will have neighbours this week."
Kevin: "Yadayadayada yadayadayada ... the cabin."
Me: "How was your trip up to Red Lake? Did you see any moose along the road?"
Kevin: "Yadayadayada yadayadayada ... the cabin."
Me: "Some weather we've been having! It hasn't rained in six weeks! You will need to be careful with campfires."
Kevin: "Yadayadayada yadayadayada ... the cabin."
Me: "You can tell me all about 'the cabin' when we get to camp. Right now, let's talk about something else, OK?
Kevin: "Yadayadayada yadayadayada ... the cabin."
Me: "How's the family? Your Dad looks great. We're all fine too."
Kevin: "Yadayadayada yadayadayada ... the cabin."
Me: "Let's not talk about the cabin. OK? Don't say, 'the cabin' any more, OK?
Kevin: "Yadayadayada yadayadayada ... the cabin."
Me: "Oh Canada, our home and native land. True patriot love in all thy cabin's comm...jeez, just go sit down, OK?"
Kevin: "Yadayadayada yadayadayada ... the cabin."
Me: "Stop saying that! I can't take it any more. Just go sit down, please!"
Kevin: "Yadayadayada yadayadayada ... the cabin."
Me: "I'm warning you! I'm near the edge here. I don't want to hear about 'the cabin' again!"
Kevin: "Yadayadayada yadayadayada ... the cabin."
Me: "If you say 'the cabin' one more time, I swear I'm going to ..."
Kevin: "Yadayadayada yadayadayada ... the cabin."
Me: "That's it! I've had it! The next time you say, 'the cabin' I'm going to throw you overboard. You hear me? And then I'm going to stop the boat and back over you, and then go forward again, and then back and then forward, over and over. Those propellers will slice and dice you up into a million pieces. There won't be a chunk bigger than a pork rind! You know where we are? Right over 100 feet of water, that's where. Those million pieces will drift down until eventually every piece will hit the bottom, a hundred feet down. And you know what's waiting down there? Well, I'll tell you! A million ling cod, that's what! They're going to watch those little chunks coming down with their tiny, lifeless dolls' eyes. Ling cod don't have teeth, you know that? But they'll suck the meat off every bone, clean as a whistle. Is that what you want? Then just say it! Do it, I swear!
Kevin, hesitating, bloodshot eyes a bit wider than before. His lips start to move but then he turns and goes to the back of the boat, puts his head on a duffel bag and goes to sleep.
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1 comment:

Mike said...

Lucky "Kevin" didn't vomit on the duffle bag!